Gerald, how is Mary going?

Calls for Transparency After Hawkesbury Woman Placed Under State Guardianship

Most of Richmond would know Gerald Urwin, 89 years old, a retired scientist and professional squash coach, often seen protesting outside Richmond Aldi’s on Sundays. For the past two and a half years, Gerald has been struggling to have his voice heard about the treatment of his wife, Mary. Now, his situation has reached a crisis point: he has been banned from freely visiting her at Hawkesbury Living Nursing Home.

Once allowed to visit daily from midday to 7pm, providing Mary with food, treats, massages, music, and companionship, Gerald is now banned from visiting Mary in her care facility Richmond Living. For Gerald, this is devastating. “We should be trying to improve things for people in nursing homes, not make them worse,” he said.

From Home to Guardianship

Mary, who speaks five languages and is known as a quiet, reserved person, was first taken from home to hospital after feeling unwell in 2023. After eight days, the Aged Care Assessment Team (ACAT) intervened and recommended guardianship.

After returning home, on 18 January 2023, at an online Guardianship Tribunal hearing, ACAT reported that Mary had dementia. Although Mary herself said she was happy to continue living at home with Gerald, her daughter and half-brother supported her placement in care. Despite his reluctance, Gerald did not contest the decision, and guardianship was granted to the NSW Public Guardian.

Soon after, police and ambulance removed Mary from her home, and Gerald was told that all decisions about her welfare would now be made by the State.

Allegations and Care Concerns

Mary was subsequently moved into Hawkesbury Living Aged Care Facility. Gerald became alarmed by her worsening condition. Gerald alleges she was losing weight, meals were poor quality, and staff seemed untrained. “It’s like being in jail. They have no idea what Mary likes to eat – you just must take what they dish up. One staff member tried to spoon-feed her gravy, not realising it was meant for vegetables,” he said

Gerald often brought Mary fresh fruit, chocolates, and non-puree food – which the facility insisted on serving her. He massaged her legs and scalp, played her favourite music – Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby – though staff told him to turn it down even as football blared on the TV in an empty lounge. He says he found Mary with wet hair after a shower in a cold lounge.

Mary fractured her hip in the nursing home. While surgery repaired it, Gerald says physiotherapy was minimal. With his sports physiotherapy training, he knew she needed consistent exercises to regain mobility and paid for extra physio – but alleges this was rarely provided.

Husband Barred from Visiting Wife

Gerald’s persistent complaints resulted in a letter from Michelle Peta, Executive Manager Residential Services at Hawkesbury Living, informing him he was no longer permitted to visit Mary.

Mary’s only other visitor is her daughter, who lives on the North Coast of NSW and visits infrequently. For Gerald, this raises grave concerns for Mary’s wellbeing. He is seeking legal advice on his rights as Mary’s husband of 58 years and whether an independent official visitor, like those permitted in prisons, can check on her welfare.

Gerald rejects accusations that he is “disruptive” or "aggressive", towards staff in the facility, insisting he never uses rude language. Isabelle, a friend of Gerald's and retired Registered Nurse has attended when Gerald was permitted to visited Mary, considers the problem lies with the poor communication skill level of staff.

"Improving the staff formal qualifications or training in allied health would improve communication between staff, visitors and patients. Essentially they are lay people imposing their view and limited skills onto patients and families, and they have a great deal of power to do this."

“I don’t know how my life got into such a mess,” he said. “The nursing home thinks Mary will be better off with less Gerald, but Mary and I know otherwise.”

Hawkesbury Living action in violation of Royal Commission recommendations

Gerald’s experience underscores broader calls for reform in aged care. The Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety (2021) made 148 recommendations to improve standards in aged care. Key reforms included:

• Visitor Rights – Families should not be locked out. Loved ones must be able to visit regularly to safeguard residents.
• Independent Oversight – Stronger monitoring and inspections of aged care homes to hold providers accountable.
• Nutrition Standards – Better food, tailored to residents’ health and cultural needs, to stop weight loss and malnutrition.
• Staff Training & Ratios – Mandatory qualifications and minimum staffing ratios to ensure safe, quality care.
• Complaints Pathways – Residents and families must have clear, independent ways to raise concerns without fear of reprisal.

The Commission noted that family members play a vital role in safeguarding residents, and restricting access to loved ones should only occur in the most extreme of circumstances.

Adding to these concerns, earlier this year the NSW Anti-Slavery Commissioner, Dr James Cockayne, warned that the aged care sector is one of the industry’s most at risk of modern slavery practices. He cautioned that aged care providers had “not adequately prepared for this risk,” highlighting vulnerabilities in staffing and oversight that can place both workers and residents at risk of exploitation.

On Sunday's afternoons you can meet Gerald protesting his blight out the front of Aldi's Richmond Store.

Questions put to Hawkesbury Living

Prior to publishing this story the Gazette put 7 questions to Hawkesbury Living. The questions and a response received from Richmond Club. Hawkesbury Living is part of Richmond Club group of assets.

From: Kooryn Sheaves publisher@hawkesburygazette.com
Date: Wed, 24 Sept 2025 at 06:39
Subject: Subject: Request for Comment – Visitation Ban on Gerald Urwin
To: reception@hawkesburyliving.com.au

Executive Manager Residential Services
Michelle Peta
Hawkesbury Living
Dear Executive Manager,

The Hawkesbury Gazette is preparing an article regarding the visitation ban placed on Mr Gerald Urwin, who has provided us with a letter issued by Hawkesbury Living prohibiting him from visiting his wife of 58 years, Mrs Mary Urwin, a resident of your facility.
In the interests of fairness, accuracy, and transparency, we are seeking Hawkesbury Living’s response to the following questions:

1. On what grounds was Mr Urwin banned from visiting his wife?
2. What complaints or evidence does Hawkesbury Living rely on to characterise him as “disruptive” or “aggressive”?
3. Has Mr Urwin been provided with a formal process to appeal the visitation ban?
4. Does Hawkesbury Living recognise the rights of spouses to maintain close daily contact with residents, and how are these rights balanced against the facility’s policies?
5. Will Hawkesbury Living release the visitation and conduct policies that were applied in this case?
6. How many family members of residents have had their access restricted or banned from Hawkesbury Living in the past five years?
7. What processes are in place to reconcile differences between families and facility staff without resorting to visitation bans?
   We would appreciate your written response to these questions by COB Thursday, 26 September 2025] so that it can be considered for inclusion in our article.
   Thank you for your attention to this matter.
   Yours sincerely,
   Kooryn Sheaves
   Publisher

The following response was recieved:

Kooryn 

 Your email was blocked in our security system as “junk”

 However I have it now 

 You obviously know nothing at all about aged-care and the laws that govern it Ie the Aged Care Act 

 If you did and had researched this you would know I cannot answer your questions !

 By law!…

 I have given you the written reply and it says all I need to say and can say 

 But I repeat 

 We take domestic violence and cohesive behaviour very seriously 

 I have 130 residents family’s and 200 staff to consider on that site alone 

Not one man 

 Threats to our staff 

Physical attacks on staff

 or 

anybody else in Hawkesbury Living are  taken seriously extremely seriously …

 As do the police and the commission 

 Do you think this is the first issue with this case ?

It’s very long and very serious ..

 Seriously I cannot believe you are asking these questions 

 I have been doing this for 22years in agedcare alone 

 I have never come across a case like this nor a “story “ told like this 

 Regards 

Kimberley Talbot

Group CEO 

Richmond Club 

This is the only written response the Gazette has received in relation to the questions asked above.

The Gazette has been unable to verify findings of any wrong doing made against Mr Urwin. The Hawkesbury Gazette makes no assertion of guilt or liablity by Mr Urwin or Richmond Club. This story is published in the public interest to inform the community of ongoing concerns.

The Gazette notes and rejects Ms Talbot claim at the commencement of her email that the law prevents her from responding to any questions in relations to our story. The Gazette will continue to follow this story.

Making Decisions for Our Hawkesbury Elders.

COMMENTARY

Families across the Hawkesbury are quietly facing some of the hardest choices life can throw at them: how best to care for an ageing parent. For many, the decision comes down to whether to keep Mum or Dad at home with professional carers, or to place them into a nursing facility.

It’s a decision that can divide even the closest siblings. Some prioritise safety and medical supervision; others advocate for autonomy, dignity, and the comfort of home. Both sides are motivated by love, yet the conflict can feel irreconcilable. And layered on top of these practicalities is something deeper: the responsibility of acting on behalf of what our parents would have wanted.

At the end of the day, caring for them and carrying out their wishes can be emotionally and physically taxing — particularly if distance makes involvement harder. As adult children, we can only make decisions based on who we are at the time and the capacity we must give.

How good people come to make bad decisions

Dr Simon Longstaff of the St James Ethics Centre has spent decades exploring ethics and decision making. His insight is simple and profound: people rarely believe they are making “bad” decisions. Instead, they justify their choices using four common prefaces:

• Legalism – “It’s not unlawful.” If a nursing home is legal, licensed, and regulated, then it must be acceptable. The tick of legality can create a sense of comfort.
• Tribalism – “Everyone else is doing it.” When friends, neighbours, or extended family normalise institutional care, it reinforces the feeling that this is the standard, responsible choice.
• Role Conformity – “I’m just doing my job.” Adult children may feel their role is to minimise risks and guarantee safety. If autonomy doesn’t neatly fit that job description, it gets sidelined.
• Deference to Authority – “The institution knows best.” Hospitals, nursing homes, and aged care facilities project expertise. Families understandably defer to the professionals, trusting they know what’s best.

When values collide

Seen through this lens, disagreements about aged care are rarely about logic alone. They are collisions of values. Some of us put safety and order first. Others put freedom and dignity first.

Neither value is “wrong.” Yet both come with consequences. Aged care, depending on the person’s will and health, can sometimes accelerate decline as new environments and unfamiliar routines take their toll. For others, the companionship and social life in a facility can provide comfort they may have been missing at home. The truth is, every parent’s journey is different.

And when dementia enters the picture, the stakes shift again. The responsibility often falls to children to remember who their parent is — and to honour the choices they would have made if they were still able. It is one of the hardest roles adult children must carry: to balance safety with dignity, protection with freedom, and to act as a voice when their parent’s own has grown faint.

A better way to decide

So, what can families do when they clash over elder care? Perhaps the key is to move beyond the four prefaces. Instead of asking: “Is it lawful, normal, dutiful, or expert-approved?” we might ask:

• What does dignity mean for Mum or Dad at this stage of life?
• Are we protecting safety at the cost of meaning?
• How can we balance risk with respect for their autonomy?
• And most importantly: what decision would they make for themselves if they still could?

By grounding the discussion in values rather than justifications, families can step out of confrontation and into collaboration.

 Inheritance – The Elephant in the Room When Deciding on Aged Care

When families sit down to make decisions inheritance is an essential ingredient in decision making. The cost of care, and how it interacts with family assets such as the family home will affect what adult children expect to inherit. It’s the elephant in the room that shapes conversations, even when unspoken. An open discussion about conflict of interests helps manage closed door speculation about motives for decision making.

The Cost Gap – Home Care vs Nursing Homes

One of the key pressures’ families face is the different way government subsidies apply to home care compared with residential aged care:

• In-Home Care Packages (HCP): The government provides tiered subsidies for in-home support such as cleaning, personal care, and nursing visits. However, the subsidy rarely covers the full cost of the service. Out-of-pocket fees of $150plus for 10 hours per week especially for higher levels of care is not uncommon. Waiting times for packages are also long, leaving many families to pay privately for all the hours in the meantime.
• Residential Aged Care (Nursing Homes): The Government pays for clinical care taking about $60 per day (85%) of the aged pension for 24/ 7 care. Residential setting is fully subsidized allowing people living on a government pension to receive full care.
• NDIS: A NDIS package covers the full cost of in-home care but only for people under the age of 65 years with a disability.

The result? It is affordable for families to place a loved one in a nursing home. They may not be able to affordable the high costs of in home care.

The Royal Commission’s View

The Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety highlighted these financial inequities, recommending a more transparent and sustainable funding system. It stressed that decisions about care should prioritise the dignity and wellbeing of the older person, not the financial interests of potential heirs.

Why It Matters for the Hawkesbury

With an ageing population and limited local services, these dilemmas are very real for Hawkesbury families. Balancing the cost of care, the complexity of subsidies, and the future of family assets can be emotionally charged.

As one local resident put it: “The question shouldn’t be about who gets the house. It should be about what gives Mum or Dad the best quality of life.”

A community conversation

In the Hawkesbury, we pride ourselves on community, compassion, and respect for those who came before us. As our population ages, decisions about aged care will only grow in urgency. These conversations are never easy — siblings may disagree, emotions may run high, and the weight of responsibility can be overwhelming.

But at the heart of it, caring for our elders is not just about managing risk. It is about ensuring all of our final chapters are written with respect, humanity, and love.

To reach a ripe old age is itself a testament to a life fully lived. Our role as children is not to impose what we think is best, but to make choices on behalf of who our parents truly are — asking what they would decide for themselves if they still could, and ensuring the path we choose reflects their voice.

A Call for Change

For Gerald, the issue is deeply personal: “I just want to know Mary is safe, cared for, and treated with dignity,” he said.

His case highlights the urgent need for transparency and stronger protections in aged care so that residents, families, and the community can have confidence in the system.

Gerald protests about the situation he finds himself in every Sunday at Aldi Richmond. He will be there today at 3pm.

Local Hawkesbury Services Overview

North Richmond Pop-Up Café
Drop in for a cuppa and a chat at the North Richmond Community Centre, 33 Williams Street, North Richmond, every Wednesday from 10am to 12 noon. The Pop-Up Café is a welcoming space for locals to connect with friends, meet new people, and enjoy some morning tea together.

Anglicare

Anglicare Support groups for carers and social groups for people living with dementia in various locations. Day and overnight respite are also available. 1300 111 278 www.anglicare.org.au/ services/dementia-care

Peppercorn Services Inc.

Provides a range of services, including community transport, meals services and NDIS support coordination. (02) 4587 0222 Peppercorn.org.au

Health and Leisure to You

• A local NDIS-registered provider offering social support programs tailored to those with younger-onset dementia.
• Services include outings and cognitive-stimulating activities, based at the Hawkesbury Leisure and Learning Centre with pick-up and drop-off available.
  (healthandleisuretoyou.com.au)

Nurse Next Door – Hawkesbury

• Offers in-home dementia and Alzheimer’s care, including help with daily activities, nursing support, and companionship.
• Available 24/7, with no long-term obligations—a flexible option for home-based support.
  (Nurse Next Door Home Care Services)

 The Gazette will be following this story. If you have a similar story, we would love to hear from you Editor@hawkesburygazette.com