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By Sally Dulson
As a millennial growing up in the 80s, there’s no set schedule for “the talk”—those awkward, pivotal conversations that mark major life transitions. For many of us, the first was the infamous “birds and bees” chat: the cringe‑filled, well-meaning “ins and outs” of sex initiated by parents, but serving as a rite of passage. Now, decades later, the roles have reversed. As our parents age, it’s often up to their adult children to hold another essential, uncomfortable conversation: the death talk.
Discussing end-of-life care, living arrangements, finances or funeral wishes with parents can feel deeply confronting. Boomers may resist, deflect or shut down the dialogue. Yet these conversations become urgent as their health needs grow more complex—and delaying them means risking unpreparedness when decisions need to be made. According to the British Journal of General Practice, most older adults want to discuss their end-of-life wishes but didn't have the conversation before their health declines.
So what are mum and dad’s options? End-of-life care in Australia spans a wide financial spectrum. Government‑funded Home Care Packages assist people wishing to stay at home. As of July 1, 2025, a Level 4 package offers $173.81 per day, or about $63,440 per year, to cover nursing, personal care and allied health needs. While this is sufficient for many, those requiring intensive day‑and‑night care can face significant out‑of‑pocket costs.
Residential aged care is a higher‑cost option. The basic daily fee, set at 85% of the single Age Pension, is currently $63.82 per day, roughly $23,300 per year. Additional means‑tested care fees may apply, with annual caps at $34,311.23 and a lifetime cap of $82,347.13. Accommodation deposits, known as Refundable Accommodation Deposits (RADs), typically range from $300,000 to over $1 million depending on the facility and room type, though averages hover around $470,000. In practice, some residents’ real‑world cost of care—including extra service fees, hotel‑style amenities or dementia‑related care—can exceed $100,000 per year.
Some families opt for a multigenerational approach, with mum and dad moving in with their adult children. In return for providing care and companionship, parents often offer financial security—whether through contributing to household expenses, helping pay down the mortgage, or providing an early inheritance. While this arrangement can be mutually beneficial and far more affordable than formal care, it does demand significant time, emotional energy and space from the family.
At the other end of the spectrum, a growing niche option is retiring on a cruise ship, which for some travellers comes in at $50,000–$100,000 per year, including meals, lodging and entertainment. This lifestyle offers travel and leisure perks, though it does not substitute for medical or clinical care.
Are you overwhelmed yet? Imagine how your parents might feel.
So how do we approach these discussions with care, not conflict? It helps to lead with empathy—recognise this may be just as confronting for them as it is for you. They may fear losing independence, becoming a burden or facing mortality. Frame the conversation as a way to understand their wishes—not to force decisions. Listen more than you speak, asking open-ended questions like, “What would make you feel most supported as you age?” Acknowledge that your hopes for their care may differ from theirs—and that emotional instincts must be weighed against practical limits like time, money or capability. Approaching the talk with curiosity rather than assumptions can help everyone feel heard and respected.
Death—unlike sex—is inevitable, though hopefully not imminent. Opening up the conversation early is a profound act of care. When handled with compassion and patience, it can bring families closer and ensure loved ones are supported with dignity, whatever that looks like for them.
