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Death is something every single one of us will experience – and yet, it’s often the last thing we feel comfortable talking about. But what if we changed that? What if, instead of avoiding the topic of the inevitable, we created spaces to explore death openly with curiosity yet gently and honestly?
In a world that often turns away from death and may even treat it as taboo, a quiet movement is growing—one that brings presence, compassion, and dignity to life’s final chapter. At the heart of this movement is the death doula, a guide and companion for those nearing the end of life, and their people.
Some of you may be thinking, what is a Death Doula?
A death doula—also known as an end-of-life doula, death midwife or mortality doula—is a non-medical support person trained to assist individuals and families before, during and after the dying process. Much like birth doulas who usher new life into the world, death doulas hold space as a soul prepares to leave it.
Their role is deeply personal and varies depending on the needs of the dying person and their loved ones. Some core examples of their work includes -
- Emotional support, such as listening without judgment, helping process fears, and offering comforting presence.
- Spiritual companionship, honouring the beliefs, rituals, or sacred practices of the person transitioning.
- Practical assistance, including helping with legacy projects, writing letters, supporting wishes or creating sacred space for dying.
- Family support, guiding conversations, easing tension, and helping loved ones navigate grief both before and after the death.
- Creating home vigils, unique celebrations of life, living wakes and being the funeral celebrant.
Unlike hospice workers or medical staff, death doulas are not there to treat or diagnose. Their work is about being rather than doing—offering deep presence, attention, and reverence for the mystery of dying, working alongside medical/palliative staff
Why Are Death Doulas Needed?
In modern Western culture, death has become medicalized and often hidden from view. Many people die in hospitals, surrounded by machines rather than meaning. The spiritual, emotional, and existential needs of the dying can often be left unmet.
All too often people don’t talk about their own mortality or have meaningful conversations around death and dying, leaving empty space for their loved ones to try and piece together the enormity of what their wishes may have been.
Death doulas are part of a growing movement to reclaim death as a sacred passage, not just a medical event. They bring death back into the realm of humanity—restoring dignity, calm, and connection to the process.
For those who are spiritual or soul-centered, a death doula can act as a midwife for the soul—someone who helps ease the transition between this life and whatever comes next. They put fears and anxiety at ease to allow a beautiful presence for this sacred journey.
Death Doula’s bring death literacy to the forefront and share information with community. This may come in the form of hosting Death Cafés, facilitating community events such as the national Dying to Know Day on August 8th each year or creating fun awareness events like ‘death drag bingo’. They also bring awareness to Advanced Life Care Planning and offer this extremely important service to clients. People don’t think about what their wishes may be if they were suddenly incapacitated or who will speak for them in the event that they are unable to speak for themselves.
Death doula’s enlighten people with options available to them – orchestrating dying at home wishes, cooling plate hire for this process, what the processes are that follow home death, home vigils/funerals and knowing they can do things uniquely and differently to what we are taught and know of as ‘traditional funerals’. Honouring and celebrating a person can look very different to a time limited 40 minute slot at a funeral memorial home!
Our bodies know how to create life, give birth and they know how to die. There is no single way to die, and no one right way to support someone through it. The presence of a calm, compassionate guide—a death doula—can make all the difference. They change dynamics in fear, they ease grief into a space of love and acceptance. In the silence, in the holding of hands, in the honouring of last wishes, there is a quiet power that ripples beyond this world.
Death, when met with love and presence, can be just as sacred as birth. And for those willing to walk that path, death doulas are there to hold space in this rite of passage and ensure no-one is alone.
Hawkesbury resident Lisa Charnley is a Mortality Doula and End of Life literacy advisor. Her other services include Holistic Therapist/Integrative Coach and Counselor, under the name ‘The Crones Canopy’. She believes in our culture, we often prepare for beginnings—marriages, births, new careers—but rarely for endings. Yet how we approach our final chapter profoundly shapes not only our death, but the life we live along the way. Holistic coaching and counselling offer the tools to live with purpose; death doula work ensures that purpose carries through to our final breath. Together, they form a sacred continuum—one that honours life’s journey from first breath to last. Because in the end, to die well is not just about the moment of passing. It is about the way we have lived all along.
Lisa has been facilitating Hawkesbury’s Death Café’s for the past 2 years at Ori’s Bar in Windsor. More recently a daytime addition has been added to the agenda, providing the community with choice of an evening event at the bar or a Saturday afternoon tea at the Earthcare building in UWS, Richmond, alternating monthly. The first Death Cafe was held in the UK in 2011, created by Jon Underwood and inspired by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz. Since then, they’ve grown into a global movement in over 85 countries! To learn more, you can explore www.deathcafe.com
A death café offers no answers or agenda’s but the opportunity to sit with the mystery, the fears, the questions and deep humanity of death. It’s not about being morbid – it’s about being real. And real conversations can be powerful. These spaces are a welcoming non-judgemental space, encouraging open sharing with gentle boundaries. A place to let the conversation flow – guided, not controlled. Death café’s connect people of all ages and backgrounds. They provide a space where truth telling and curiosity are welcome and gives those grieving a gentle, validating space to simply be – no fixing required. Silence is OK. Laughter is welcome. Tears are safe.
Death may also look like other endings in life – losing a beloved pet, the closing of a relationship, a child who has cut ties with a parent or walking the path of loss and grief of someone as we once knew them – a diagnosis such as MS, cancer and so on. Many life situations carry grief, death and loss which require care and conversation. Grief should not feel like something to hide, rather than hold in community.
Lisa’s services and death café’s hold purpose – to increase awareness of death so we can live more fully, to normalize conversations around death, grief and legacy and to ease fear and isolation through authentic human connection. Many people feel alone with their fears, they are unsure how or with whom they can talk to about death. And that silence can hurt!
Lisa explains that many people don’t share their true end-of-life wishes or discuss what they want with their families, and fall more into people pleasing or leaving it others to avoid confrontation and conflict, which can also create quiet chaos and rifts amongst family members. This can be avoided by sharing real, meaningful conversations together. When we talk about death anxiety softens, peace of mind grows, life feels more intentional, creativity and compassion blossom and people can feel empowered to plan for death in a way that reflects who they truly are. These conversations open doors to new possibilities, rituals and ways of saying goodbye.
A death café can be surprisingly life-giving. It’s about honest talk and deep listening. It’s about leaning into the unknown together and discovering what matters most while we are still hear.
Because when we talk about death, we are really talking about life.
So whether you choose to attend a death café or simply bring the up the topic over dinner, Lisa invites you to keep the conversation going.
Death isn’t just about the end end – it’s about how we live, connect and prepare. Death Café’s are simple, radical spaces where truth and tenderness can meet. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we do…. Is start the conversation.
The next Death Café will be held at Ori’s Bar in Windsor Mall on Wednesday evening 27th August at 6:30pm. You’re invited to join us for an annual Dying to Know Day event, to chat death literacy.
If you’d like to connect with Lisa, you can do this via facebook, Instagram and email whilst website her under construction.
